Experts say that our non-verbal communication makes up 93% of what we communicate. The actual words that we say only count for 7% of what we’re really “saying”. You can use that stat to your advantage when you start to pay attention to the messages you’re sending out the majority of the time. A lot of body language is subconscious but when you start noticing the signals you’re sending, you can start to become aware and actively decide the body language signs you want to send.
To kick this off, start checking out the body language of the people around you. Once you start to notice the impact of body language, you can sculpt your own body language to say just what you want it to.
In This Post:
Body Language of Attraction
We all know men don’t always catch our (oh so obvious) signals. But don’t give up on them just yet. These sexy body language signals say “I want you” without saying a word. With just a look…well with a look, a tilt and a flip, you can get the message across to that sexy someone that you’re interested.
- Get closer. Standing closer or leaning toward someone during conversation and being situated in their direction shows you’re interested in them and what they’re saying.
- Get in sync. To show that you’re in tune with someone, mimic their moves. Don’t be comical about it but subtly mirror their body movements like leaning forward when they lean forward or taking a sip of your drink when they do.
- Work your brows. If you catch the gaze of someone sexy, raise both eyebrows. This is a silent signal that you’re into them.
- Lick your lips. Don’t get crazy, it’s supposed to be suggestive not exclamatory! But occasionally licking your lips draws attention to that beautiful pucker and is a sign you’re interested.
- Smoldering Eye Contact. Looking, almost staring, at someone sexy shows you’re attracted. Don’t make it too long (5 seconds or less will do the trick) and if that sexy someone stares back, give them a slight smile.
- Play with your…shoes? I know, this one isn’t as intuitive but when ladies are interested, they relax their posture and play with their shoes (only a little though). A few variations are touching the back of your feet or letting a strappy sandal dangle from your toe.
- The Hair Flip. Hair is a sign of female sexuality and flipping it says “check me out” with no words at all.
- The Head Tilt. When you tilt your head and smile it shows you’re interested and it’s slightly seductive.
- Caress your Neck. Softly touch your neck (one of the softest, smoothest parts of your body) to draw sexy male attention.
- Knee Point. While crossing your legs, point your knee in the direction of your hunky man. This shows you’re interested in them. And the more leg you show the more sexual you seem – we all knew that one. But don’t go overboard ladies! You can keep it classy and still get your point across.
- Touching/Stroking. Touching or stroking an object in front of you (like your cocktail glass or a part of your body) indicates that you’d rather be stroking or touching them.
Ok ladies, go get your man! Just remember to be subtle with each of these tips. If he doesn’t get it after these surefire “I want you” signals move on to the next one…
Body Language Not Interested
Ok sexy, so you’re great at getting a man’s attention. But some of us are just a little too good. Sooo…what happens when you lose interest in a man you just met? There’s no reason to deflate an ego, just let them know without saying a word that: Hint Hint, I’m Just Not Interested.
- Keep your distance. If you’re staying away from someone, leaning away, pulling away, it shows you don’t want to be any closer to them in any way.
- The Nose Wrinkle. What does it mean? I’m kind of grossed out by you or what you’re saying.
- Stiff Pose. Every person’s normal posture is different but standing rigidly can say you’re not enjoying yourself and not excited about whatever’s going on…or the man in front of you.
- No Eye Contact. Just like sultry eye contact can pull a man in, lack of eye contact is a clear signal that you’re just not into them…It’s great if you wanna say: just about anything in the room could be more interesting than this.
- Hiding Your Hands. Crossing your hands in your lap or putting them in your pockets shows that you aren’t open to the person in front of you, that you’re lying, or that you feel smothered by them or the relationship.
- Crossing Your Arms. This says I’m closed off, back up.
- Keeping your legs tightly closed. Whether you’re sitting or standing, keeping your legs tightly closed says the same thing as crossing your arms. Not interested.
Ok ladies, say goodbye to awkward club convos and painful cocktail encounters. Use these simple signals to let them know you’re just not into it.
Non-Verbal Conversation
Everyone who knows you knows you’re fabulous. But for people to get to know you, you have to nail quite a few conversations. Making the right impression with conversation confidence is key to making new connections and building every type of relationship. When it comes to conversation, non-verbal communication plays as big of a role in your exchange as the words you say. Follow these tips for non-verbal communication and you will portray confidence in every convo you have.
Non-Verbal Conversation
- Smile! It makes you look positive, open and approachable. Who wouldn’t want to start a convo with someone like that?
- Eye contact is extremely important.
- Keeping eye contact makes you seem confident.
- When you look at the person talking, it shows that you are engaged in the conversation and interested in the person and what they’re saying.
- When conversing in a group, make eye contact with the person that is speaking. This shows that you are confident and contributing to the conversation.
- Lack of eye contact is a sign of distrust and disinterest – NOT the impression you want to make on anyone.
- Don’t go crazy! You shouldn’t have eye contact with anyone 100% of the time. Everyone looks away occasionally (though briefly). This keeps eye contact comfortable rather than letting it turn into a staring contest.
- Pay attention to your posture. Sitting and standing up straight (not stiff, just straight back and shoulders back) are instant signals that you are confident. Your posture is one of the first things that people see about you and they can pick up on your confident stance before you even begin talking.
- Dress for the occasion. Looking good always brings a little extra confidence. But being dressed appropriately for a meeting, event, or date will also assure you that you fit in with the current crowd.
- Speak clearly. Ok, this isn’t body language, but it’s important none-the-less. Your tone of voice gives an impression just like your eye contact and posture do. Speak clearly rather than slurring your words, mumbling or speeding through a thought. Also, speak loudly enough for everyone in the conversation to hear you. Speaking with the proper tone and pacing shows you are confident in yourself and what you’re saying.
- Stay calm. Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Whether you’re going for a big interview, an exciting date, or a tough social situation, we can’t help but feel a little anxiety during difficult conversations. Even in these situations, actively try to stay calm and you will be a more confident conversationalist. Take a few deep breaths while you’re listening during your conversation and think about relaxing physically and mentally. You’ll come across as more confident and cool if you can keep a calm attitude even in sticky situations.
- Keep your cool. No matter what topic is brought up, stay in control of yourself and keep your cool. Don’t get flustered by unexpected topics of conversation or fly off the handle at an insult. You don’t know what other people are going to do but you have complete control of the image that you send out – which should be that you are confident and collected in any situation.
- Show enthusiasm. Genuinely enjoy the people you meet and the convos you have and you’ll seem not only confident but interesting! When you’re passionate about the topics of conversation and interested in the people you’re talking to, you can’t help but have a good discussion.
Confident Body Language
The way that someone looks is only part of the way that we see them. The confidence that they exude has a huge impact on their appearance and how fabulous they appear to be. One big way that we communicate confidence is through body language.
Confidence from the Neck Up:
- Eye Contact. Lack of eye contact signals that you are insecure. The opposite, a healthy amount of eye contact, especially in conversation, signals not only that you are interested in the person or people you’re talking with but also that you are a confident conversationalist. Who wouldn’t want to listen to what you have to say?
- Eyes Ahead! When you’re not in conversation keep your eyes ahead. This means when you’re walking, waiting, or just hanging out. Keeping your eyes on the ground, even if it’s just to watch your step, signals a lack of confidence and makes you seem closed off to interaction. This can be a tough habit to break if you’re used to watching the ground but if you can train yourself to look ahead, it will send the signal that you’re confident and secure.
- Keep Your Head Up. This is similar to keeping your eyes forward. It makes you appear insecure and closed off to drop your head while you walk or wait so keep your head up and your eyes forward.
- Smile! Don’t go overboard, don’t smile when you’re upset. But as a general rule, smiling a little makes you seem worry free and confident in yourself. You’ll probably even get a few smiles back and who wouldn’t want that?
- Facial Expressions. We all go through a range of emotions: Happy, Sad, Angry, Worried. You should be confident enough in yourself to express whatever you’re feeling with words and with your expressions. When you’re facial expressions match what you’re feeling and saying, you seem more secure and the people around you will pick up on that congruity.
Confidence and Your Posture:
- Stand Tall! This is an obvious sign of confidence and super important to communicating how you feel about yourself. No matter what you’re doing, your back should be straight and your shoulders should be back.
- Sit up Straight. You don’t want to look stuffy, but keep a straight back and your shoulders back. Whether you’re sitting or standing, this says “I’m confident in myself, and you should be confident in me too”
- Stand on Both Legs. Putting equal weight on both feet (rather than jutting out one hip) signals confidence and stability.
Confidence and Spacing:
- Be Visible. When speaking to someone, don’t hide behind chairs, tables, or bars. Show yourself off! Practice this in moderation. You will, of course, sit on the other side of the table from your date and on the opposite side of the bar from the bar tender. But when it’s appropriate, remove barriers between you and the people you’re talking with and make yourself more visible.
- Take up Some Space. This shows you’re confident and, let’s be honest, you need a little more room for all that fabulous attitude you’re carrying around. Men can sit wider by spreading their knees further apart or keeping their arms wide behind their head or in front of them. This is a little trickier for women. You still want to look ladylike, and spreading your legs isn’t usually a great look (especially in a dress). So use your arms and torso. Keep your arms wide and be expressive when you talk. You can also take up a little more space by leaning toward the person you’re talking to or setting your purse and jacket down a little further away.
Confidence and Your Hand Gestures
- Use Your Hands to Talk. This demonstrates your point, draws people into what you’re saying, and makes you look more confident. Don’t get crazy, no one should mistake your hand gestures for spirit fingers, but in moderation this is a great way to look confident and stop yourself from doing some of the body language “no-no’s” like fidgeting with your hands.
- Strong Handshake. Do I even need to say it?
- No Pockets! Keep your hands out of your pockets. Hiding your hands or always needing to hold onto something makes you look insecure. Demonstrate what you’re saying with appropriate hand gestures instead.
- Don’t Cross Your Arms. This makes you seem closed off to the people around you and nervous. Keep an open posture and you’ll seem warmer and more sure of yourself.
Confidence and Your Pace:
- Focus on Your Stride. Pay attention to the way you walk. Are you shuffling around or scuttling quickly from place to place? Stop it! And start to channel your inner top model. Every time you walk you should feel like strutting down the catwalk. Take a long stride and let your hips and hands swing a little. Who wouldn’t feel confident walking like a super model? Make Tyra proud, ladies!
- Slow Down a Little. I know you’ve got about a trillion things on that to do list but you’ve got it under control, right? Even if some days you don’t, you need to take it down a notch to seem more calm and confident in yourself and your abilities.
- Stop Fidgeting! Fidgeting is a clear sign of nervousness (i.e. lack of confidence). Again, take it down a notch. We all get nervous sometimes but slow the pace and focus on relaxing. It will make you seem much more confident and secure. When you’re confident in yourself, the people making you nervous (and fidgety) are more likely to be confident in you too.